I wretched my posterior labrum 3 years ago exercising with free weights. This in and of itself is enough for me to implore fellow dads to stop slinging weights like we used to in our 20′s. This causes very painful bicep tendinitis in my left shoulder. My most recent bout with it kept me off of any kind of upper body workout for 3 weeks. This is agonizing as there are just so many legs and core exercises a dude can do before having to buy a pair of Old Navy Yoga Butt Pants.

My doctor gave me a shot of cortisone in the shoulder joint. It was so delightful that my left leg started kicking up and down during the procedure. I asked him if if the needle was splitting every soft tissue in the joint itself during the insertion. Once the feeling of being hit in the shoulder with a sledgehammer wore off after a couple of days, I noticed moderate relief from the pain, but nothing to make me want to drop and give you 30.

So, I did a simple superfood trick instead. Blueberries and spinach are loaded with all kinds of good stuff with scientific names for anti-inflammitories. As always, Google it for yourself. I grabbed a handful of fresh baby spinach, a handful of frozen blueberries, a banana, and a cup of water and threw it in a blender. I then proceeded to slam it down. The whole process took 10 minutes and I just got 4 servings of fruits and vegetables.

By the 3rd day of drinking this stupidly simple superfood shake, I noticed a SIGNIFICANT difference in my shoulder. The tendinitis was completely gone. It was gone so much to the point that I have been able to do light upper body exercises without any issue (taking it slow).

Before I lead you to believe this was a food miracle, let’s get a few things straight. I do have steroids floating in my shoulder and I have rested it for a few weeks. So, there is not any science that proves one thing over another. I would suggest that a combination of everything with the superfood shake as the final “oomph” got me over this hump. At the very least, this is a 10 minute exercise to give you a heaping dose of superfood goodness.

Can I borrow your yoga butt pants?

Aleta and I attended a “raw food” workshop at the local (and only) Whole Foods Market. As usual, I was the only dude there that was not wearing a small T-shirt and horn-rimmed glasses, was clean shaven, and did not have product in my hair that made me look an alt-rocker (you know, that dry pomade stuff). I was thinking about carrying my Glock 19 and wearing cammo (actually, I don’t have cammo and don’t have a gun or a concealed carry permit…yet).

Eating 100% raw is pretty hard core. It makes us vegans look like health heathens. However, incorporating some decent raw foods and meals into any kind of diet can be extremely helpful. The lady doing the cooking demonstration had an amazing story of health restoration and weight loss after having chronic illness for 20 years. There are plenty of testimonies like this if you google hard enough.

She whipped up some eg’gless e’gg salad in one of her demos. I was a total skeptic until she passed out samples. Once the demo was over, I ran over to the store and bought all the ingedients. I have been eating it every day for lunch this week.

Ingredients:

• 1 medium lemon squeezed (about 1/4 to 1/2 cup)
• 3/4 cup raw macadamia nuts (soaked for 4 hours)
• 3/4 cup raw cashews (soaked for 4 hours)
• 1/4 cup diced celery
• 1/4 cup diced peppers
• 1/4 cup relish or diced pickles
• 2 diced scallions
• 1 tsp of agave nectar (or sugar)
• 3/4 tsp of tumeric (key ingredient)
• 1 chopped garlic clove (or tsp of powder)
• Salt to taste
• Water for consistency

Blend everything but the vegetables in a food processor for 5 minutes. The mixture should be very smooth and yellow by the time you are done. Add water a 1/4 cup at a time until you get your desired consistency (like how thick or thin do YOU want it). Pour the mixture into a bowl and add the veggies and mix it.

You can eat it right there or chill it for a few hours. It does get better with age. From that point on, you can basically use it on whatever you want. You can make sandwiches, celery boats, or add it to a salad. The stuff is very filling and very good for you. You are getting a ton of protein and good fats and zero cholesterol.

And you don’t have to wear horn rimmed glasses to enjoy it…

“The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” - Saint Bernard of Clairvaux

Home exercise programs do not work (at home). The amount of disciple required to actually do some turbo Tae-bo jazzer rock ab cruncher workout far surpasses the discipline of the person buying the workout “system” (why is everything a “system” now?). We buy home exercise programs because we saw an infomercial that convicted us of our lack of discipline. We mustered enough motivation to buy the program to cleanse us from our guilt and frustration of being undisciplined to begin with. It is the perfect “do nothing” marketing exercise and it makes millions.

I have yet to ever see a P90x infomercial. I knew that if I would ever be successful at any exercise program, I’d need to do the program at the gym. That is exactly what I did. After receiving the DVD’s, I ripped them all to MP4 using the most awesome application for such a task, Handbrake. I then imported the DVDs into iTunes and onto my iPod.

Once the content was on my iPod (for my own personal use), I read through the very informative guide in an hour or so. I then gave myself 3 days to watch the first 3 videos a few times and get familiar with the type of workouts I would be doing. Once I had a decent idea, I then set a goal to start the entire workout program on the next Monday morning. The workout requires 1.5 hours (plus or minus a few minutes to and from the gym) and at least 5 days a week (6 if you do Yoga). Pick a time that is going to work. Workout in the morning if you are a morning person. Do not try to take on P90x in the AM if you hit the snooze 10 times. Conversely, never do something in the evening if you have kids, sports, dinner, and general chaos to attend to. If you are married, cut a deal on kid and dinner chores with your spouse to allow for the time. You have to pick a time that is going to work.

I have a somewhat more flexible schedule than others and work from 9:30 – 6:30 every day from my house. Since Aleta is a stay at home mom, she does just about all kid duties in the morning. I take the kids from 6:30 PM and on during what Aleta calls “the witching hours”. I chose 7:30 – 9 AM every day as my workout, including the 5 minute ride to and from the local YMCA. I made sure to carb load with my normal protein shake at least 1 hour before the workout. You will need to eat AT LEAST 400 calories before these workouts or you will indeed run out of gas. Oatmeal, Clif Bars, and grape juice (no acid) make great sources of carbs for this kind of workout and these are normally what I eat beforehand.

Do not think for a second that you are too old or too out of shape or too injured to do this workout. I have a tear somewhere in my shoulder and I have learned to work around it, not stressing it or making it sore. I have met many people in the P90x forums in their 50′s and 60′s in great shape. I have also met people who ran out of breath on the warm-up exercises the first week and made it through P90x start to finish. There is a way to do this workout with out injuring yourself or dying in the first 10 minutes.

Just be sure to NEVER do it at your house…

I always find it funny how workout infomercials show the before and after pictures of people who have been through their program. At the bottom of those shots, there is always an asterisk that says “Results Not Typical”. That is because most of the people in those pictures were paid by the infomercial company, went on some lemongrass and water diet, and had some super-fit trainer named Holden or something to help them through the program. In addition, everyone sticks out their white pot bellies, unstylish mullet hair dos, and horribly out of style shorts for those “before” shots. The after always includes shaved excess hair, tans, makeup, and the latest Nike apparel.

Having “worked out” consistently for 15 years, I was at a standstill this winter. At 35, it had become so boring to me. In addition, my shoulder has some weird tear that doctors can’t seem to diagnose. This knocked me out of all the typical guy weight training of “3 sets of chest, shoulders and tri’s” and all the other “body builder” stuff we do. It was awesome for our twenties when we were trying to score chicks. All we do is tear connective tissue at gym in our 30′s, trying to pick up our wives.

A coworker told me about P90x. I had never heard of it before (unlike most of America). I don’t have cable and don’t watch infomercials, especially workout ones AND especially ones from that advertise “home” programs. Please, who actually works out by themself in their living room after sleeping in and with booger finger kids running around? I went to the website and bought the DVDs on my friend’s recommendation. I ignored all the before and after pictures as those are silly, like mullets.

Below are my “Before and After” pictures. I never thought I’d EVER take these pictures. It seems both vain and silly to do this. However, the P90x online community is surprisingly supportive of each other. Since I purchased a licensed and legal copy (yes, think about that for a second), I was given access to a personal online trainer. She pushed me to do the pictures and I did. So, here they are:

I will publish a few articles on how to get typical results from P90x for someone in their 30′s with kids and a busy life. It is all doable.

Yes, I did shave my chest. As for the tan, I mowed the grass all summer without a shirt. It is a redneck tan. This had more to do with the fact that I was sick of my wife and in-laws making fun of my white pasty body.

To be continued…

“Chin down.”

This is a phrase Aleta and I say to each other when someone is taking a picture of us. This means “make sure our fat sacks under our chins don’t show so it looks like we have a neck.” For those of us who gain weight in our cheekbones and neck, this is a perpetual challenge. Especially for guys like me who have big jawbones.

Chin down is the most critical for our annual Christmas picture inserted into those clever letters we send out. This year’s picture in our letter warranted lots of “Wow, you guys look healthy/good/young/thin.” We did not realize the difference all that much, but others did.

With that said, I’ll let the following pictures be proof of the benefits of our 6 month trek eating vegan. The first picture is from Christmas 2009 after 6 months of eating vegan. The second picture is before vegan, our meat eating days.

2009 Born Again Vegan

2008 Meat Eating Glory Days

No tricks or gimmicks or diet fads. We changed our diet to vegan and continued at our same activity and exercise levels like we always have.

We’re not so bent on chin down anymore.

I am half Italian and born in New Jersey. Although, I somehow picked up a southern twang over the years (maybe because I have lived in the south for 10 years), I still have loyalty to New Jersey and Bruce Springsteen (gotta be from Jersey to get that one).

A very simple Italian/northeastern dish is to simply sautee up a bunch of peppers, saus’ge, onions, and some mushrooms. I did this yesterday for lunch and it was a delightful and filling meal without the associated calories and heart crushing saturated fat.

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsp grape seed oil (much better for cooking – use canola if you don’t have this)
• 1 package Tofurky Italian Saus’ge
• 1 medium onion
• 1 green pepper
• 1 handful of sliced mushrooms
• 2 tbsp of Frank’s RedHot

Heat the oil in a large skillet and get it really hot. Slice the saus’ge into decent bite sized slices. Julienne cut your onions and peppers. Add all the ingredients to the skillet. It should really sizzle. Stir constantly for 5 to 7 minutes. You will see the onions start to get slightly brown and caramelize. Remove from heat, and add the Red Hot. Stir until it is mixed.

Pour the big ‘ole pile into a bowl and turn on some Bruce Springsteen to listen to while you eat.

Our American diet lacks fiber. Estimates are that we consume half the daily allowance of fiber required to maintain good digestive systems [google it]. There are direct medical problems that result from lack of fiber and also indirect. The most common are weight gain, high cholesterol, and all kinds of issues with your digestive system.

A friend of mine turned me onto psyllium husk a couple years ago. Psyllium is a native plant of Pakistan and India. It is much higher in fiber than oats or bran and is water soluble: to the tune of absorbing up to 10 times its original size. What does it mean for you? It provides soluble fiber that binds to triglycerides in your blood, helping you reduce your cholesterol. It also contains insoluble fiber which passes right through you. The great thing about the latter is that it literally will sweep through your entire digestive system and take anything it finds with it. Many cleansing products use psyllium as their base.

So, if you want a very simple way to massively boost fiber, go to any health foods store and get a container of it. Mix 2 teaspoons with a large glass of juice, follow up with another glass of water,  and start your morning off with it. The first day or so may be utterly shocking after a couple #2′s. Just prepare yourself. You will not believe you could make something that big. The good news is that you will start to feel better, keep stuff flowing, and not feel so bad about not eating that apple in the morning.

This is so simple, so good, and more healthy than the alternative.

Prep time 45 minutes. Serves 4 – 6.

• 1/2 cup Earth Balance margarine
• 1 cup of organic sugar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 cups flour
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 3 mashed bananas (to a paste)
• 2 Ener-G egg replacements
• 1/2 cup nuts

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cream the sugar and margarine. In a separate bowl, sift the flour, salt, and baking soda. Blend with the wet mixture. Add the bananas, Ener-G, and nuts. Stir until mixed. Spoon into a mini-muffin sheet (like Pampered Chef’s) and bake for 15 – 17 minutes. Allow to cool for 5 and them pop ‘em with some coffee or hot chocolate.

More spicy. More savory. More soup and less chili. All the flavor. Less the fat. Less the bloat. Less the burps. Come try part deux. Serves 4 – 6. Prep time 30 minutes.

Ingredients:

• 8 cups vegetable stock (use “Better than Bullion No Chick’n” Base)
• 2 medium diced yukon gold potatoes (they are just good for cookin’)
• 1 medium diced onion
• 4 massive minced garlic cloves
• 1 can tomato sauce
• 1 can pinto beans
• 1 can “Rotel” diced tomatoes and chili peppers
• 5 tsp chili powder
• 2 tsp cumin
• 7 diced de-nuked habanero peppers (leave this off if you are a sissy)
• 1 package of Trader Joes vegan soy chorizo
• 2 tbsp of cooking oil

Heat the oil in a stock pot. Add the potatoes, onions, and garlic. It should sizzle. Cook at high heat for 5 minutes stirring frequently (some browning is not bad). Add everything else except the vegan chorizo. Bring the pot of soup to a boil. Simmer 10 minutes. Add the vegan chorizo. Simmer an additional 5 minutes. Let the soup cool for 5 minutes before tasting. As my late mother-in-law used to say, “Let it get aquatinted”. It will take a couple minutes for the heat to come out. Wait and then add more seasoning if required. Enjoy with some tamales and bring a napkin to wipe your forehead (unless you are a sissy and ditched the habaneros…if this is the case, serve the soup on a lovely laced doily).

Just when you think it is vegan impossible. I am sipping on a bowl of this right now. I just made it. All the texture and flavor without all the calories and 30 chemical ingredients on the back of the soup can. Take a look at a classic Campbell’s Cream of Anything soup. The first ingredient ain’t cream (I have always wanted to spread some polysorbate 60 on a cracker with some fresh basil).

Feeds: 4 – 6
Total Prep Time: 40 Minutes

Dice up:

• 1 medium onion
• 2 carrots
• 2 stalks of celery
• 3 medium yukon gold potatoes (or whadevah’ potato you have)

Have on the side and ready:

• 1 can of green beans (yeah, I am sure there are food additives in this)
• 8 cups of water
• 6 – 8 tsp of vegetable bullion (or 8 cups of vegetable stock)
• 2 handfuls of fresh baby spinach
• 1 bag of non-meat chick’n pieces (like Morningstar)
• 2 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
• 1/2 tsp fresh chopped rosemary
• 1 cup of cashew cre’m (uhhh, what?)

Yes, cashew cre’m. There is your cre’m substitute (you wish I would tell you why I use ” ‘ ” in those words). It is made up of raw cashews and water (no polysorbate 60?). Raw cashews are soft, absorb water, and can be blended into a paste with the consistency of heavy cream and a slight sweet taste. Take a cup of raw cashews and soak them in water for at least 30 minutes (2 hours preferred). Pour them in a food processor with enough water to cover 1/4 inch above the nuts. Grind em’ for like 3 minutes. they will eventually turn into a white vegan cre’m.

While still contemplating this, pour 4 tbsp of oil into a soup pot and get it HOT. Dump in all your diced vegetables. Cook them on medium heat for 5 minutes. Add the 8 cups of water, bullion, green beans,  herbs and bring to a boil. Reduce to a medium boil for 10 minutes. At 10 minutes, add the chick’n and cre’m. Reduce the heat down to simmer and stir like crazy. Cook 5 more minutes at a really low temp. Add more herbs, salt, and pepper to taste. Remove soup from heat and throw in the baby spinach. Serve immediatey if you want to burn every part of your mouth. Otherwise, let it cool.

Can you taste the polysorbate 60? That’s what I thought.